I would like to thank you for subscribing to our online journal. If you
would like to know a bit more about me personally, you can go to
http://addadhdadvances.com/aboutus.html. That is where I describe my own
personal history and how I got involved with ADHD.
There are so many parents that are struggling with raising their
children that would benefit from the information I have to offer.
If you have a friend or a relative that is having trouble, would you
please tell them about ADD ADHD Advances.
I have numerous articles on the site about ADHD, ODD, and parenting
issues. These articles are located at:
I will also answer any questions your friends might have. As a
subscriber, you may contact me to ask any questions or field any
problems you may be having with your child. I would like to extend
this offer to anybody that you would like to help. Just have them
contact me at
If you have been reading ADD ADHD Advances for any length of time you know that I don't recommend resources freely.
In fact, this is the third thing I have recommended in the past two years. In my opinion, it is also the
most valuable resource, packed with information, and at the best price I have seen.
If you are at all interested in making your job as a parent easier
Go to any formal event where there are speeches given, such as a political dinner
or some other gathering. Wait until the third speech, and then look at any group
of twenty-five people. You will observe three types of people.
Most people will be sitting there politely, trying to hide the fact they are bored.
Then there will be two or three people who will be fiddling with a pen, doodling
on a napkin, or tapping their fingers. They will look restless and very uneasy
sitting there.
Finally, there will be one person who looks like he is climbing out of his skin.
He gets up. He sits down. He plays with his mobile phone. He looks
at his watch. He won't be able to keep his legs still. If you investigate this
person, you will most likely find a number of things about him. Probably that
person is a CEO of some corporation or some other high-powered executive.
He likely is the busiest, most successful person at that table. If you look further
into that person's life you also may find that he did not do very well in school.
Why? That person has ADHD.
If you have been reading about ADHD and learning disabilities for a while, I
am sure you have come across all the stories written by the optimists. You know
by now that Thomas Edison had ADHD, that Leonardo Da Vinci was severely
dyslexic, and that Albert Einstein failed math and couldn't get a teaching position
after he graduated university. You may have heard of the personal recounts of
modern celebrities like Robin Williams or John Irving. These optimists then try
to reassure you. They tell you that the world is full of such people who, in spite
of their handicaps, rose to greatness.
You should know that this is entirely false. No one ever rose to greatness in spite
of a handicap. These people rose to greatness because of their handicaps.
Take for example, Helen Keller. She was a person who at a very young age
became blind and deaf. As she strove to overcome her deficits, she achieved
greatness and influenced the world around her in a way that few in her generation
were able to do. It was her handicap that brought out her greatness. If she had
never become blind or deaf, she probably would have led a very inconspicuous
life.
If your child has ADHD, then there are three things that can happen. He can let it
break him, and it will be his downfall. He can live with it and try to compensate for
the trouble it causes him. Or he can incorporate it into his future and use it to
catapult him to a level that he would never be able to achieve if he did not have
ADHD.
Does this mean he will be famous? Probably not, but greatness has nothing to do
with fame. A person is great when he takes all the characteristics and abilities
given to him, both good and bad, and directs them and uses them to benefit
himself, his family, and his society.
A warm loving parent, a sensitive spouse, a good neighbor, an ethical person.
You will never hear about these people, but these are the true heroes our
generation. Any child, even a child with ADHD, can become this type of hero.
Your child has three paths before him. Which path he chooses will be a result in
a large part of how you raise him. Will you allow his ADHD to destroy him? Or
will you instill in him a sense of self worth that will carry him through this and
all other obstacles in his life?
The statistics regarding the long-term prognosis of ADHD are not pretty. But,
your child is not a statistic. And, he has one asset that most children with ADHD
do not have. He has a parent that cares enough about him and who wants to help
him; enough to read a journal like this one. This already gives him an advantage
way above most children with ADHD.
I was told I should be optimistic. I should be encouraging and enthusiastic and
hopeful about the future. I really cannot do that. First of all, I am not an optimist.
More importantly, however, what happens now has nothing to do with me. It
really depends upon you.
I am prepared to give you all the information at my disposal, through my website,
my books, my courses, and the articles I publish. I am available for your questions
and am ready to help. However, your child's future is in your hands. It is your job
to mold and shape your child until he reaches an age in which he has the
understanding to mold and shape himself.
We'd all like our kids to develop into responsible people.
How can we help to ensure that our kids learn the lessons
of responsibility? Here are some ideas:
1. Start them with tasks when they're young.
Young kids have a strong desire to help out, even
as young as age 2. They can do a lot more than you
think if you're patient and creative. This helps build
confidence and enthusiasm for later tasks in their life.
2. Don't use rewards with your kids
If you want your kids to develop an intrinsic
sense of responsibility, they need to learn the
"big picture" value of the things they do. They
won't learn that if they're focused on what
they're going to "get."
3. Use natural consequences when they make
mistakes.
If they keep losing their baseball glove
somewhere, let them deal with the consequences.
Maybe they have to ask to borrow one for the game.
Maybe they have to buy a new one it's lost. If
you rescue them every time they screw up,
never learn responsibility.
4. Let them know when you see them being
responsible.
Specifically point out what you like about their
behavior. This will make it more likely to
continue to happen.
5. Talk often about responsibility with your kids.
Make responsibility a family value, let them know
it's important.
6. Model responsible behavior for your kids.
This is where they'll learn it from. Take care of
your stuff. Try to be on time. They're watching
you very closely.
7. Give them an allowance early in their life.
Let them make their own money decisions from an
early age. They'll learn their lessons in a hurry. Don't
bail them out if they run out of money.
8. Have a strong, unfailing belief that your kids
are responsible.
They'll pick up on this belief and they'll tend to
rise to the level of expectation. And keep believing
this even when they mess up!
9. Train them to be responsible.
Use role play and talk to them about exactly what
kind of behavior you expect from them. It's hard
for kids to be responsible when they don't know
what it looks like.
10. Get some help and support for your
parenting.
It's hard to know sometimes whether you're being
too controlling or too permissive as a parent.
Talk to other parents, read books, join parent
support groups, whatever will help you feel like
you're not alone.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better
fathers and husbands. He is the author of "25 Secrets of
Emotionally Intelligent Fathers"
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm
Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, "Dads, Don't
Fix Your Kids," at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
Do you have any suggestions on how to improve my website? Do you know of
a way that I can improve the ADD ADHD Advances online journal? Please
contact me with your ideas. Thanks.
