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"Helping you to help your ADD ADHD child"by Anthony Kane, MD | ||
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What to do When Your Child LiesIntroductionAlthough some children are capable of deceiving by age four, five years of age is when children commonly experiment with lying. However, lying usually does not signal a serious problem. Unless lying becomes habitual or compulsive, your child will grow out of it. Problem of LyingSome children have a greater tendency to lie than others. This is particularly true if the child sees others lie, or where he views lying as a way to protect himself from harm. Certain personality types also have a inclination to lie. Lying hurts the liar. Chronic or habitual liars rarely feel good about themselves. Lying may cause difficulties for the child at school and with their friends. It isolates him from those he loves and may disrupt family life.Reasons Children LieAround the age of 5 or 6 children develop a better understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality. At this age, children develop a conscience and understand that certain behaviors disappoint their parents. Children also begin to experience feelings of guilt when they do wrong. At this age a child may construct a lie to avoid punishment or disapproval. By the age of 7 or 8, children can differentiate between fantasy and reality and usually tell the truth. At this age, children lie to avoid punishment or to avoid doing something unpleasant. They also begin to understand the concept of polite social lying. They may lie to spare someone's feelings. Lies at this age may also be a cry for help. A child who is very fearful or feels overwhelmed by school or some other area of his life, may lie in an attempt to deal with this pressure. In adolescence, lying begins to take on a new significance. However, when an adolescent lies it is not always a sign of trouble. Teens may lie simply to protect their privacy or to establish their independence. They may also lie in "acceptable situations" such as not to hurt a friend's feelings or to avoid embarrassment. Of course, a teen may lie to avoid punishment or doing chores, or in order to get something that he can't get by telling the truth. How to Prevent LyingBe a Good Role ModelYou are the most important role models for your child.Encourage Truthfulness
What to Do When Your Child Lies
When Lying is a ProblemThe following types of lying may indicate a more serious problem.An older child or teen that lies:
What to Do About Problem LyingIf a child or adolescent develops a serious and repetitive pattern of lying, then you may need professional help. Have a child or adolescent psychiatrist evaluate your child. Based upon what you find you have several treatment options:
Family counseling – This is useful for families who feel that trust has been seriously damaged, or in cases where lying is something learned from other family members. Family therapy may be vital when the child lies in order to protect himself from harm. Group therapy – This form of therapy helps where the child lies as a way of getting attention. Assessment for a learning disability – Some children lie in order to cover up school difficulties. Lying may be an indication of a learning disability. ConclusionLying is a normal part of childhood and rarely indicates a problem. Addressing lying early and appropriately will help prevent it from becoming a more serious concern. If your child has a difficulty with lying you need to be patient. Your child needs to know you care about him. Your child may have spent years to become a master of distorting the truth, exaggerating, and lying. It will take time for him to change his behavior.Anthony Kane, MD ADD ADHD Advances "Are You Having Trouble with ADHD or ODD Child Behavior?" ADHD ODD Child Behavior Help |
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