|
| |
 | ||
"Helping you to help your ADD ADHD child"by Anthony Kane, MD | ||
|
 | |||||
| ADD ADHD | ADHD Articles | Oppositional Defiant Disorder | Links | Submit a Link | About Us |
 | |||||
| What to Do WhenYour Child Hits You?by Anthony Kane, MD
For an website send an email to: hittinghtml@addadhdadvances.com IntroductionAggressive Behavior in Young ChildrenThe first thing a parent should realize is that aggressive behavior is both normal and common in young children. Until a child reaches the age of six, he is not developmentally mature enough to curb his impulse to hit, kick, or bite. A child may actually know that hitting is wrong, but a child at this age often can't control himself.Why a Child HitsFrustration and AngerAnger is a major problem with children. Anger is an expression of the child's pain and frustration concerning the lack of control he has over his world.Something happens that deeply troubles your son. He wants to do something and you stop him. Since your child is young, even though his feelings are very strong, he lacks the tools to express his frustration appropriately. This further frustrates him and he explodes in anger. He may strike at you with the only tools at his disposal, by hitting. Inability to CommunicateLet's take a common example. Your child wants to do something and you stop him. This displeases him greatly. He really wants to say to you:
Times of StressGrowing up is hard work. Many times children, who face developmental challenges and are under a lot of stress, go through an aggressive phase. This can be because they have less energy for self control or because the stressful event just pushes them over and makes every little inconvenience seem so much bigger. The result is that such a child is more likely to resort to hitting.Need to Feel ControlWe all need to feel like we have control of the world around us and children are no exception. However, your child has very little control over what happens to him. Often hitting is your child's way of trying to control some aspect of his world. It can be his form of self assertion.Getting AttentionYour child needs your attention. Normally he would prefer to get it in a positive way. However, negative attention is better than nothing. A child who is frequently ignored may quickly discover that he becomes center stage when he fights and hits others.If you react strongly to your child's hitting you may be fueling a lot of future problems. Reacting strongly to negative behavior encourages the child to continue behaving badly. This is one of the reasons How to Improve Your Child's Behavior spends so much time focusing on developing positive attention. Testing Your RulesThis is a less common reason for hitting. Children are constantly testing their limits. A child may hit just to see if he can get away with it.What to do About HittingRedirectYou can get your child to stop hitting by giving him another outlet to express his frustration. You might be able to channel his desire to hit by giving him something appropriate to strike. We have used a punching bag in the past. My wife even drew a picture of each member of the family so the child could pound the particular person that was causing him anger.If you don't like a punching bag you can also use a doll or stuffed animal. One parent chose to teach her child who had a biting problem to bite a doll. Review the IncidentThis works as your child gets older. After the crisis has passed go back over the incident and talk it over with your child when he is calm and rational. Make lists of what might work when he gets angry or when there is something you need to tell him that he won't like. Then, when the next crisis happens, you can refer back to the conversion you had with him:
Teach Communication through LanguageIt is very healthy for a child to learn to use words to express negative emotions. Teach them to say, "I am really mad right now!" or "I am fuming right now!"Once a child can express his feelings in a more direct and mature way, the hitting will slowly stop. Acknowledge Your Child's FeelingsChildren hit because they can't communicate their feelings. When you acknowledge your child's feelings you eliminate this reason for hitting.Say things like:
Teach that Hitting is WrongEven though your child may not be old enough to help himself, it is important that your child know that aggressive behavior is wrong. Children don't know automatically that hitting is wrong. This is something they have to be taught.When your child tries to hit you, grab his hands firmly, look him in the eyes and say:
Pay Attention to TriggersPay attention to your child's daily cycles. Is there a particular time of day that aggressive behavior increases? If your child loses control before dinner or after school, it may just be a sign that he is hungry. Healthy snacks like nuts, vegetables and fruits may take care of the problem.Does your child hit when overtired? Then quiet time might be the answer. If you pay attention to what is happening in your child's world, then you may find an easy solution to much of his aggressive behavior. Be a Good Role ModelI do not want to get into the issue of whether spanking a child is good or bad parenting. However, children are more likely to hit if they see the parents hitting. If you are concerned about aggressive behavior in your child, then your child should not see you use spanking as a form of punishment. That means if you choose to spank another child, you should do it privately and in a way your aggressive child does not see or know about it.Limit Exposure to AggressionYou should keep your children from seeing aggressive images on television, in movies, and in books. You should also avoid aggressive video games and toys.ConclusionFor most children, violent behavior is just a stage. Sooner or later they grow out of it. Your job as a parent is to understand the cause of your child's hitting. Then you can teach your child better ways of expressing himself other than by hitting.If you want to see how you are doing as a parent, see our If you want more information on ways that you can teach even the most difficult child to obey you, please see our If you would like help with ADD ADHD medication and treatment please see our Anthony Kane, MD ADD ADHD Advances |
|
|
|
Harp and Bagpipe Bagpipes Bodhrans Celtic Harps Sitars Tabla Sets
Djembes Ashikos Talking Drums Store Map