ADHD Parenting

"Your Shortest Path to a Respectful Child and a Peaceful Home…Period."

  • There is no shortage of parenting advice online today. Whether you want to be a tiger-mom Asian style parent or a hands off French style parent, there is someone who is going to tell you that they have found “the way” to parent successfully.

    “Discover How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior”

    There is also the opposition who tells you that if you follow “that advice” you will ruin your children.

    But I have a secret for you.

    There is no “right way” to parent children. There are many ways, and all of them work if you execute them properly. And none of them work if you are wishy-washy about them.

    The main thing is to pick an approach with which you feel comfortable and follow that.

    With that in mind he are a five ideas that I found are helpful in many families. Choose one, all, or none. It’s up to you.

    1-Let your children choose their consequences:
    When you give guided control to your kids, two things happen.

    First, they to to stick to their limits since they were involved in setting them. Secondly, when they violate their limits and you execute a pre-agreed upon consequence, they are less likely to give you a hard time about it.

    Giving your children this type of choice empowers them and helps them to become more responsible and develop better self-control.

    2-Flexible family meal times:
    Family dinner used to work. At least it did on 1960 television shows. But today, when everyone is going in different directions, it is hard to force a daily time when everyone is required to get together.

    3-Give over your family history:


    When a person feels he is a part of a continuum dating from prehistoric times until now, he feels different about himself. There is a greater sense of importance. He feels responsibility toward his ancestors who struggled and suffered to make it possible for him to have all that he has today.

    When you give over your family history, your child grows up with the stories and the images of those who came before him. It is not the same as thinking that there is only you. Those images might some day be the thing that stops your child from making that bad judgement call or doing that one risky thing if he believes it’s not just about him.

    4-The sex talk:
    I remember when my Dad gave me it. He was really bad at it. I am even worse. But now if you are planning out the one sex talk, then you are already too late. Thanks to our wonderful no holding back media even elementary school children know all about sex.


    Get ADHD and ODD
    Teen Behavior Help

    for children 12 and older

    In this period, we need to begin to talk to kids about sex when they are very young. That means you need to plan multiple sex talks. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you begin when your child is as young as 18 months old by discussing the correct names of body parts. From that point on you keep the an age appropriate discussion going.

    When the time comes, and it will be sooner than you think, the actual “sex talk” will be a natural outcome of your ongoing dialogue.

    The bottom line is most children turn out more or less okay. As long as you show your children that you genuinely love them and want what is best for them they will probably recover from any of the parenting blunders you make.

    Just relax and enjoy being a parent. You children are growing up before your eyes. If you don’t grasp the special moments that you have with them now, these moments are not going to come back again.

    5-Style is your choice:


    As I started out saying, the are a wide range of approaches to raising children. There is no one right way. Whether you decide to be lenient or firm that does not matter as ling as you are clear.

    What is critically important is that you and your spouse are on the same page. This can be a lot harder than it sounds. In parenting, our default mode is always what we saw our parents do. Since you and your spouse have different parents you were raised with different ideas about parenting.

    The good news is that you are both right. The bad news is that both being right may not matter. What will matter is how well you negotiate your differences and how well you conceal these differences from your children.

    The bottom line is most children turn out more or less okay. As long as you show your children that you genuinely love them and want what is best for them they will probably recover from any of the parenting blunders you make.

    Just relax and enjoy being a parent. You children are growing up before your eyes. If you don’t grasp those special moments that you have with them now, these moments are not going to come back again.

    Please share this article.

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    Warmly,

      Anthony Kane, MD
        P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

          If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

            Please go to:

          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

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        • by Dr. Noel Swanson

          Here is the picture: You have just dared to deny your two year old a cookie. So how does she respond? Does she take it on the chin? Does she philosophically and phlegmatically accept that, at times, life sucks?

          Not on your life!

          What does she do? She screams. She hollers. She cries. She stamps her feet. She rolls around on the floor as though in the grip of blood sucking demon.

          Soon the neighbors are banging on the door wondering why you are torturing your child. Then social services arrive. Next thing you know, you are on national television being carted off to jail for child abuse.

          Well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. But it certainly can get pretty stressful trying to deal with it all.

          So what should you do?

          The key here, as always, is to STAY CALM. The dynamic is pretty simple. Child wants cookie. Parent says no. Child wants to change parent’s mind, so she puts on a display. This is important to remember: the sole purpose of this display is to get you to GIVE IN.

          If you do, then the child learns that tantrums work and, guess what? Next time she will try it again.

          So, if you want to eliminate the tantrums, here is what you do: Walk away.

          That’s it.

          Let her carry on rolling around on the floor. Ignore her. Do not try to pacify her (that would be rewarding it by giving her attention). Do not scold her (same reason). Do not say anything. Just walk out of the room.

          If she follows you then, if necessary, lock yourself in the bedroom or even bathroom – anywhere that you can get away from her and completely ignore her. Put on some music, or the vacuum cleaner so you can’t hear her.

          The goal is to give her no attention, no feedback, no reward for as long as she is making a fuss.

          It is pretty hard to keep up a performance when no one is listening. So if you do this successfully, she will eventually calm down. When she does, THEN give her some attention (but not a cookie!) Reward being quiet, not the tantrum.

          But be warned – she might get pretty loud before she gives up, so be prepared to see it through! If you give in before she is calm, you will have rewarded the tantrum and made it even more likely to happen next time.

          Just one other point – obviously, before you walk out, do make sure that she is safe where she is. It would not be wise, for example, to leave her unattended, having a giant paddy, in the kitchen with hot liquids boiling away on the hob.

          Now, what if she does this in public?

          Of course her tactic is even more powerful there, as she can enlist your fear of embarrassment to work in her favor.

          The principles, though, are the same. You need to ignore it. You could just walk away and leave her screaming in the aisles while you continue shopping. Or you could pick her up, carry her to the car, put her inside, and then stand outside (with your back to her) until she is calm.

          If you have already been doing it successfully at home, she will pretty quickly realize that the same rules apply here, so she should settle down fairly quickly.

          Dr. Noel Swanson is a practicing psychiatrist with over 2 decades of extensive clinical experience. He is the author of the internationally acclaimed Good Child Guide

          I highly recommend this resource to you.

          Please share this article.

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          Warmly,

            Anthony Kane, MD
              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                  Please go to:

                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

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                • At least 3% of school children have ADHD, making this condition one of the most common disorders affecting our children. For nearly a century stimulant medications, such as Ritalin, Concerta, Adderall, or Dexedrine, have been the most effective treatment for this disorder.

                  Recently, a lot of concern has been expressed concerning the safety of these medications. Adderall XR was implicated in the death of 20 patients. This resulted in a ban on the use of this drug in Canada in 2005. In the same year the FDA linked 16 deaths to the use of Concerta. Ritalin has been implicated in 186 deaths between the years 1990 and 2000.



                  These statistics have given birth to a number of concerned parent groups that want to stop the use of stimulant medications in ADHD children. A variety of natural medicine companies bolstered their cries, while incidentally offering their own natural treatment as an alternative.

                  It is not surprising that all the noise has made many parents uneasy about using stimulants to treat ADHD in their children. Many parents fear that they are putting their child at risk by giving them these medications. ADHD is a very disturbing condition, but it is not fatal. It does not make sense to give your child something that endangers his life just to treat ADHD.

                  Are parents who use medication to treat ADHD reckless? Before answering this question we need to examine the evidence.

                  Ritalin Death Statistics

                  As discussed previously, in the decade before the new millennium, 186 children died from taking Ritalin. That sounds like a large number of children, but is it?

                  In 1990, 900,000 children received Ritalin. Currently, there are between four and five million children receiving this medication. If you estimate about 20 deaths a year from Ritalin, then the risk of your child dying from taking Ritalin is somewhere between 1 in 45,000 and 1 in 250,000. This means statistically, for every 45,000 children who take Ritalin 1 will die and 44,999 will survive. This does not mean that the children won’t have any of the other ill effects. It just means that death will not be one of them.

                  Admittedly, this is not an exact calculation of the risk of death. To do that one needs to know the approximate number of children who took Ritalin between 1990 and 2000. This information is not available. However, whatever the exact risk is, it is very small.

                  Contrast that to the death risk of using other common drugs. For example, acetaminophen, the active ingredient in drugs like Tylenol, has been implicated in 42% of all cases of acute liver failure. 7600 deaths are attributed to aspirin and similar drugs every year. The risk of dying from a single dose of penicillin is 1 in 50,000, the same as the risk of taking Ritalin over many years. These are drugs that we use everyday. They too have some risk. Yet there is not outcry to ban them.


                  There is no attempt here to minimize or ignore the danger involved in giving our children stimulant medications. Even one child’s death is unacceptable if it can be prevented. However, when you consider the risk of giving your child Ritalin, Concerta, Adderall, and similar medications, you need to realize there are many more dangerous medications that are being used in homes everyday.

                  The Danger of Not Treating ADHD

                  The risk of using medication is only one aspect of the equation. We need to consider what happens to ADHD children if they don’t receive medication. Very few people ever discuss this.

                  In 1999, researcher examined how giving ADHD medication impacts the risk of future drug abuse. What these researchers discovered was that ADHD children who received medication for their ADHD were no more likely to get heavily involved with street drugs and alcohol than were children without ADHD. However, children with ADHD who did not receive medication were three times as likely to develop a serious drug or alcohol problem.


                  So is there a danger in not using ADHD medications such as Ritalin, Concerta, or Adderall? Consider this. The three leading causes of death in teens and young adults are suicide, homicide, and accidents. Drug and alcohol abuse play a significant role in all of these.

                  You also should consider all of the academic, social, and behavioral problems that accompany a child with untreated ADHD. More than that, if your child also has a co-existing disorder, such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder, giving ADHD medication may be the most effect thing you can do to handle the problem. These other problems may not be fatal, but they can ruin the life and the future of your child.

                  Certainly, a child who does not need medication should not take Ritalin, Concerta, or Adderall or anything else for that matter. However, if your child has ADHD and it is impairing his ability to function normally, then stimulant medication is still the best and quickest way to get the problem under control. This is not to say that it is the only approach. There are numerous effective non-medical treatments for ADHD. But you need to do something.

                  If you are like most parents, you don’t like the idea of your child taking stimulant medication for ADHD. However, one thing that should not worry you is that you child will be the one child in 45,000 who has a fatal reaction to the medication. You should be far more worried about the risk of not treating your child.

                  Please share this article.

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                  Warmly,

                    Anthony Kane, MD
                      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                          Please go to:

                          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                          1 Comment
                        • Introduction: My Child, the Thief

                          One of the more common problems that we as parents encounter, but that nobody likes to talk about, is what to do when your child steals. There are a number of different reasons a child steals and a number of different ways to handle the problem.

                          Young children do not steal. Children below the age of four or five do not have a concept of ownership. They do not understand that it is wrong to take things that belong to others.

                          By the time a child enters elementary school, he should know that stealing is wrong. Often children at this age take things because they lack self-control.

                          A preteen or teen may steal for the thrill of it or because that is what friends are doing. He may be trying to gain a feeling of control over his life or to fill an emotional void.

                          Whatever the reason a child is stealing, the parents need to approach the problem with wisdom. If the parents just react according to their natural inclination, their response will almost certainly be wrong and destructive.

                          Why a Child Steals

                            1-Your Child Can’t Control Himself

                          Younger children have difficulty with self-control. A child may take something although he knows that stealing is wrong simply because he can’t help himself. You have to give your child the ability to get what he wants in an honest way. Also, you must try to minimize the temptation.

                            2-Your Child’s Basic Needs are Not Being Met

                          Children are completely dependent on their parents for all of their needs. A child who feels that his needs are not being met will eventually take the matter into his own hands. The easiest way for a child to do this is to take what he needs.

                          What a person needs is subjective. Even though a parent may not feel that a child should have something, it might be a real need for the child. For example, if the child’s school friends have pocket money, then your child could have a need for pocket money. He will feel a lack if he doesn’t have it, even if you provide him with everything that he wants. This type of child may be tempted to steal money just so he has money like everybody else.

                            3-Your Child Needs More Attention


                          Get ADHD and ODD
                          Teen Behavior Help

                          for children 12 and older
                          Probably the most common reason that children steal is that they feel an emotional lack in their lives. A child who does not have his emotional needs met, feels empty inside. He may take things in an attempt to fill the void. Often children who steal are lonely or having trouble in school or with friends. They lack the tools or the opportunity to express their feelings.

                          Many children do not get the attention they need. Such a child may feel unloved or that the parents are not interested in him.

                          This may or may not be true. As I explain in How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior, how your child perceives your attention is more important than the amount of attention that you give. These children may translate their emotional needs into material desires. Stealing is their way for these children to express their discontent and to seek gratification.


                            4-Your Child Needs to Have Control Over His Life


                          Children are acutely aware of their vulnerability. They lack control over their lives. Some children have difficulty with this. If the child has trouble feeling dependent, he may steal to gain a sense of control or to rebel.

                            5-Peer Pressure

                          Older children are pulled after what their friends do. If the child is with a group of children that feel stealing is exciting, the child may steal to be part of the group. Sometimes, a child may steal to show bravery to friends. If your child has fallen into a group of bad friends there are some very concrete things you can do to address the problem.

                          In part two we will discuss what to do when you suspect your child is stealing.

                          Please share this article.

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                          Warmly,

                            Anthony Kane, MD
                              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                                  Please go to:

                                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                                  1 Comment
                                • Some children are just stubborn. Some are argumentative. Some are hard to get along with and don’t like to be told what to do.

                                  These are characteristics of normal children. What separates children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder from normal children is not so much what they do, but to the degree that they do it.

                                  It is normal for children to have occasional bouts of difficult behavior. This is especially true of children who are in developmental stages of ages of transition; such as between the ages three to five or during adolescence. During these periods, children try to assert themselves and can become very defiant.

                                  In addition, normal children who are tired, hungry or disturbed about something often react by being defiant.

                                  Normal children can be defiant, but their behavior does not disrupt their life. It is not like that with Oppositional Defiant Disorder children.

                                  ODD children are difficult and argumentative to the extent that their behavior interferes with their school performance, their ability to get along in school, and sometimes, their relationships with other children.

                                  ODD is characterized by aggressiveness and hostility toward others, particularly parents, teachers, and other figures of authority. These children willfully try to bother and irritate others. They tend to be argumentative and to get into fights a lot. They are also easily annoyed and refuse to take responsibility for the things that they do.

                                  Because their behavior is so difficult, ODD children have a lot of trouble getting along with family and friends, and tend to have a lot of difficulty in school.

                                  Parents of ODD children often claim that even when they were very young, their children were inflexible and demanding.

                                  What is like to have an Oppositional Defiant Disorder child or teen?

                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder children are experts at manipulating others. These children and teenagers cause a lot of discord. These children are masters of putting adults against each other, including spouse against spouse and parents against teachers. They can cause a lot of chaos at home and unless the parents are on alert, ODD children can strain or even destroy a marriage.


                                  Children with ODD are stubborn and repeatedly test limits, even as young children. They are easily annoyed and blame others for their mistakes. Their behavior can get them into a lot of trouble. However, they refuse to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Rather they identify these outcomes as someone else’s problem.

                                  Teenagers with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are constantly angry. They lose their temper and fight with adults. They talk back, argue, and refuse to follow even simple directions; often for no apparent reason.

                                  These teenagers are irresponsible. They blame others for that bad things that happen as a result of their behavior.


                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder is not characterized so much by the type of behavior that these children and teens display, but by the degree and frequency they display these behaviors.

                                  ODD children are not that different from normal but difficult children. Both normal difficult children and ODD children act out the same way by doing the same things. The difference is the frequency and intensity that they do it.

                                  The following is a list of the behaviors that Oppositional Defiant Disorder children and teens frequently display:

                                    * Get angry frequently
                                    * Talk back to adults
                                    * Openly disobey instructions
                                    * Thwart rules
                                    * Intentionally bother others
                                    * Refuse to take responsibility for their actions
                                    * Refuse to take responsibility for their misbehavior
                                    * Are quick to take offense and get annoyed easily
                                    * Are quick to anger
                                    * Tend to be resentful, cruel, or malicious
                                    * Speak harshly
                                    * Seek revenge
                                    * Have temper tantrums often

                                  Having an ODD child or teenager makes parenting very difficult. (Ask me how I know this.) However, with the right approach you can succeed and even survive. But you will need to learn what to do.

                                  Parent training programs are still the most effective means of dealing with ODD in children and teens. These programs are available in many areas and online. You should definitely consider this option if you have such a child or teenager.

                                  Please share this article.

                                  Related Posts


                                  10 Ways to Have More Responsible Children

                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Getting Cooperation

                                  When are Tantrums Abnormal?

                                  Teen Binge Drinking

                                  What to Do if Your Child is a Bully

                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder Treatment

                                  Warmly,

                                    Anthony Kane, MD

                                      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                                        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child’s difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:


                                          Please go to:


                                          How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior

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                                        •