ADHD Parenting

"Your Shortest Path to a Respectful Child and a Peaceful Home…Period."

  • Here are three tips to get kids to do chores:

      1-Have a family meeting. Discuss how everyone lives in the home and everyone contributes to the mess. Therefore, everyone must contribute to cleaning and maintaining the home.

      2- Teach your child to figure out what needs to be done. If you notice there is a room that needs cleaning, rather than giving an order ask your child what problems he sees and what needs fixing.
      3- Show your child how you like things done. Try to work together. This teaches your child how to do it right and provides for some good together time.

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    Warmly,

      Anthony Kane, MD
        P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

          If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

            Please go to:

          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

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        • by Dr. Noel Swanson

          Here is the picture: You have just dared to deny your two year old a cookie. So how does she respond? Does she take it on the chin? Does she philosophically and phlegmatically accept that, at times, life sucks?

          Not on your life!

          What does she do? She screams. She hollers. She cries. She stamps her feet. She rolls around on the floor as though in the grip of blood sucking demon.

          Soon the neighbors are banging on the door wondering why you are torturing your child. Then social services arrive. Next thing you know, you are on national television being carted off to jail for child abuse.

          Well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. But it certainly can get pretty stressful trying to deal with it all.

          So what should you do?

          The key here, as always, is to STAY CALM. The dynamic is pretty simple. Child wants cookie. Parent says no. Child wants to change parent’s mind, so she puts on a display. This is important to remember: the sole purpose of this display is to get you to GIVE IN.

          If you do, then the child learns that tantrums work and, guess what? Next time she will try it again.

          So, if you want to eliminate the tantrums, here is what you do: Walk away.

          That’s it.

          Let her carry on rolling around on the floor. Ignore her. Do not try to pacify her (that would be rewarding it by giving her attention). Do not scold her (same reason). Do not say anything. Just walk out of the room.

          If she follows you then, if necessary, lock yourself in the bedroom or even bathroom – anywhere that you can get away from her and completely ignore her. Put on some music, or the vacuum cleaner so you can’t hear her.

          The goal is to give her no attention, no feedback, no reward for as long as she is making a fuss.

          It is pretty hard to keep up a performance when no one is listening. So if you do this successfully, she will eventually calm down. When she does, THEN give her some attention (but not a cookie!) Reward being quiet, not the tantrum.

          But be warned – she might get pretty loud before she gives up, so be prepared to see it through! If you give in before she is calm, you will have rewarded the tantrum and made it even more likely to happen next time.

          Just one other point – obviously, before you walk out, do make sure that she is safe where she is. It would not be wise, for example, to leave her unattended, having a giant paddy, in the kitchen with hot liquids boiling away on the hob.

          Now, what if she does this in public?

          Of course her tactic is even more powerful there, as she can enlist your fear of embarrassment to work in her favor.

          The principles, though, are the same. You need to ignore it. You could just walk away and leave her screaming in the aisles while you continue shopping. Or you could pick her up, carry her to the car, put her inside, and then stand outside (with your back to her) until she is calm.

          If you have already been doing it successfully at home, she will pretty quickly realize that the same rules apply here, so she should settle down fairly quickly.

          Dr. Noel Swanson is a practicing psychiatrist with over 2 decades of extensive clinical experience. He is the author of the internationally acclaimed Good Child Guide

          I highly recommend this resource to you.

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          Warmly,

            Anthony Kane, MD
              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                  Please go to:

                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

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                • continued from What to Do When Your Child is Stealing

                  1-Stay Calm

                  Don’t overreact. When a child steals it does not mean that he is a thief or is headed for a life of crime. It is really no different than any of mistake that your child makes.

                  2-Do not Take it Personally

                  Children steal to get attention. If your child is stealing from you and you take it as a personal attack you are reinforcing the reason the child stole.

                  3-Do Not Accuse or Confront Your Child

                  This point must be stressed. You must catch your child in the act so that the situation speaks for itself.

                  You can never challenge your child with circumstantial evidence. Either the child will lie and you will reinforce his dishonesty or he will confess. If he tells the truth and you punish him, you will be teaching him that it pays to lie. Either way you are stuck. Circumstantial evidence won’t do.

                  Hearing that your child stole from a third party won’t do. If your child denies it, then you are forced to believe your child. If you don’t, then you will show your child that you don’t trust him.

                  Nothing encourages a child to be dishonest more that knowing that his parents don’t trust him. If the child confesses, you will not be able to punish him.

                  Even if you are 99% sure your child is stealing that is not good enough to accuse him.

                  For example, say that you look in your purse and the brand new $50 you took out from the bank yesterday is missing. You put your child’s laundry away and you find hidden among his things your brand new $50. You did not catch your child.

                  Maybe someone else also lost a new $50 bill and he found it. Maybe your $50 fell out of your purse and your child found it on the street. Unless you see your child reach into your purse and take out the $50 you did not see him steal.

                  4-Make Sure that Your Child Knows What He Did is Wrong

                  This is particularly true of a younger child.

                  What to Do When You Catch Your Child

                  Don’t ask the child for explanations. Merely state that he is not allowed to take things from other people. Do not sermonize. Just use simple explanations.

                  “Stealing is wrong. You would not want anyone to take your toy. So it’s wrong for you to take this toy.”

                  Never imply that your child is bad. Stealing is bad, not the child. Do not call your child a thief, dishonest, or a liar or any other name that you do not want him to become. When you give your child a label, he will grow to fill that label.


                  Correcting the Wrong

                  If Your Child Stole From Someone Outside the Family

                  Your child must make restitution. If your child stole from a store or from a neighbor, then see that he returns the object. Have your child apologize and say he or she will never do it again. You should accompany your child to make it easier for him to correct the damage.

                  If Your Child Stole Money from You


                  Estimate what child took and make it clear that the child must pay you back. He may do this by helping around the house for money. You should pay him enough that he pays off his debt in about a month. Say to him that you realize he needs more money and give him an allowance or increase in allowance.

                  Hide Temptation

                  Don’t leave money around where the child can find it. Tell his siblings that you are going to watch their money for a while. Don’t tell them why. Don’t send this child to the store to buy something with a large bill where there will be a lot of change.

                  Putting the Incident into the Past

                  Figure Out Why Your Child Stole

                  If he needs more attention make a special effort to give it too him. If he needs to feel more control over his life, give him an increase in allowance and more freedom to spend it as he wishes. If he needs certain things to be part of his peer group, make sure that he gets them.

                  Continue to Trust Your Child

                  If your child is stealing it does not mean he is bad or he is a thief. You don’t want your reaction to make him become that way. Your child will fulfill your expectations of him. If you view him as a thief, bad, or dishonest he will grow into that label.

                  Be a Model of Honesty

                  Children learn by watching their parents. You should show concern about the property rights of others. A parent who brings office supplies home or boasts about a mistake at the supermarket checkout counter, teaches his child that honesty is not important.

                  Conclusion

                  Stealing is a common problem. You should view it like any other mistake your child makes. It is something that has to be corrected, but it is not more than that. If you handle it properly, you can correct this problem quickly and easily.

                  Please share this article.

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                  Warmly,

                    Anthony Kane, MD
                      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                          Please go to:

                          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                          No Comments
                        • Introduction: My Child, the Thief

                          One of the more common problems that we as parents encounter, but that nobody likes to talk about, is what to do when your child steals. There are a number of different reasons a child steals and a number of different ways to handle the problem.

                          Young children do not steal. Children below the age of four or five do not have a concept of ownership. They do not understand that it is wrong to take things that belong to others.

                          By the time a child enters elementary school, he should know that stealing is wrong. Often children at this age take things because they lack self-control.

                          A preteen or teen may steal for the thrill of it or because that is what friends are doing. He may be trying to gain a feeling of control over his life or to fill an emotional void.

                          Whatever the reason a child is stealing, the parents need to approach the problem with wisdom. If the parents just react according to their natural inclination, their response will almost certainly be wrong and destructive.

                          Why a Child Steals

                            1-Your Child Can’t Control Himself

                          Younger children have difficulty with self-control. A child may take something although he knows that stealing is wrong simply because he can’t help himself. You have to give your child the ability to get what he wants in an honest way. Also, you must try to minimize the temptation.

                            2-Your Child’s Basic Needs are Not Being Met

                          Children are completely dependent on their parents for all of their needs. A child who feels that his needs are not being met will eventually take the matter into his own hands. The easiest way for a child to do this is to take what he needs.

                          What a person needs is subjective. Even though a parent may not feel that a child should have something, it might be a real need for the child. For example, if the child’s school friends have pocket money, then your child could have a need for pocket money. He will feel a lack if he doesn’t have it, even if you provide him with everything that he wants. This type of child may be tempted to steal money just so he has money like everybody else.

                            3-Your Child Needs More Attention


                          Get ADHD and ODD
                          Teen Behavior Help

                          for children 12 and older
                          Probably the most common reason that children steal is that they feel an emotional lack in their lives. A child who does not have his emotional needs met, feels empty inside. He may take things in an attempt to fill the void. Often children who steal are lonely or having trouble in school or with friends. They lack the tools or the opportunity to express their feelings.

                          Many children do not get the attention they need. Such a child may feel unloved or that the parents are not interested in him.

                          This may or may not be true. As I explain in How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior, how your child perceives your attention is more important than the amount of attention that you give. These children may translate their emotional needs into material desires. Stealing is their way for these children to express their discontent and to seek gratification.


                            4-Your Child Needs to Have Control Over His Life


                          Children are acutely aware of their vulnerability. They lack control over their lives. Some children have difficulty with this. If the child has trouble feeling dependent, he may steal to gain a sense of control or to rebel.

                            5-Peer Pressure

                          Older children are pulled after what their friends do. If the child is with a group of children that feel stealing is exciting, the child may steal to be part of the group. Sometimes, a child may steal to show bravery to friends. If your child has fallen into a group of bad friends there are some very concrete things you can do to address the problem.

                          In part two we will discuss what to do when you suspect your child is stealing.

                          Please share this article.

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                          How to Handle Your Child’s Dishonesty

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                          Warmly,

                            Anthony Kane, MD
                              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                                  Please go to:

                                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                                  1 Comment
                                • Some children are just stubborn. Some are argumentative. Some are hard to get along with and don’t like to be told what to do.

                                  These are characteristics of normal children. What separates children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder from normal children is not so much what they do, but to the degree that they do it.

                                  It is normal for children to have occasional bouts of difficult behavior. This is especially true of children who are in developmental stages of ages of transition; such as between the ages three to five or during adolescence. During these periods, children try to assert themselves and can become very defiant.

                                  In addition, normal children who are tired, hungry or disturbed about something often react by being defiant.

                                  Normal children can be defiant, but their behavior does not disrupt their life. It is not like that with Oppositional Defiant Disorder children.

                                  ODD children are difficult and argumentative to the extent that their behavior interferes with their school performance, their ability to get along in school, and sometimes, their relationships with other children.

                                  ODD is characterized by aggressiveness and hostility toward others, particularly parents, teachers, and other figures of authority. These children willfully try to bother and irritate others. They tend to be argumentative and to get into fights a lot. They are also easily annoyed and refuse to take responsibility for the things that they do.

                                  Because their behavior is so difficult, ODD children have a lot of trouble getting along with family and friends, and tend to have a lot of difficulty in school.

                                  Parents of ODD children often claim that even when they were very young, their children were inflexible and demanding.

                                  What is like to have an Oppositional Defiant Disorder child or teen?

                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder children are experts at manipulating others. These children and teenagers cause a lot of discord. These children are masters of putting adults against each other, including spouse against spouse and parents against teachers. They can cause a lot of chaos at home and unless the parents are on alert, ODD children can strain or even destroy a marriage.


                                  Children with ODD are stubborn and repeatedly test limits, even as young children. They are easily annoyed and blame others for their mistakes. Their behavior can get them into a lot of trouble. However, they refuse to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Rather they identify these outcomes as someone else’s problem.

                                  Teenagers with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are constantly angry. They lose their temper and fight with adults. They talk back, argue, and refuse to follow even simple directions; often for no apparent reason.

                                  These teenagers are irresponsible. They blame others for that bad things that happen as a result of their behavior.


                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder is not characterized so much by the type of behavior that these children and teens display, but by the degree and frequency they display these behaviors.

                                  ODD children are not that different from normal but difficult children. Both normal difficult children and ODD children act out the same way by doing the same things. The difference is the frequency and intensity that they do it.

                                  The following is a list of the behaviors that Oppositional Defiant Disorder children and teens frequently display:

                                    * Get angry frequently
                                    * Talk back to adults
                                    * Openly disobey instructions
                                    * Thwart rules
                                    * Intentionally bother others
                                    * Refuse to take responsibility for their actions
                                    * Refuse to take responsibility for their misbehavior
                                    * Are quick to take offense and get annoyed easily
                                    * Are quick to anger
                                    * Tend to be resentful, cruel, or malicious
                                    * Speak harshly
                                    * Seek revenge
                                    * Have temper tantrums often

                                  Having an ODD child or teenager makes parenting very difficult. (Ask me how I know this.) However, with the right approach you can succeed and even survive. But you will need to learn what to do.

                                  Parent training programs are still the most effective means of dealing with ODD in children and teens. These programs are available in many areas and online. You should definitely consider this option if you have such a child or teenager.

                                  Please share this article.

                                  Related Posts


                                  10 Ways to Have More Responsible Children

                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Getting Cooperation

                                  When are Tantrums Abnormal?

                                  Teen Binge Drinking

                                  What to Do if Your Child is a Bully

                                  Oppositional Defiant Disorder Treatment

                                  Warmly,

                                    Anthony Kane, MD

                                      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                                        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child’s difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:


                                          Please go to:


                                          How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior

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                                        •