ADHD Parenting

"Your Shortest Path to a Respectful Child and a Peaceful Home…Period."

  • When your child is young your primary role is to set limits about what is and what is not acceptable behavior. Your teens still need this type of direction, but your method of delivery needs to change.

    It is quite okay to tell a child what to do and what not to do. However, most teens do not respond well to being ordered around. Teens have a natural desire to want to run their own lives. Therefore, when setting limits for your teens, just telling them will not be very effective. Instead, your focus should be on discussing and negotiating appropriate behavior. The more input you allow your teen to have in setting limits, the more likely he is to stay within them.


    Get ADHD and ODD
    Teen Behavior Help

    for children 12 and older

    Here are 5 tips that will make setting limits for your teens more effective:

      1- Choose the right time and place. The right time means when both of you are calm. If either one of you is upset or angry, the discussion will not go as well. The right place means in privacy away from other children.
      2- Focus on what you want rather than what your child is doing wrong. The natural response to criticism is denial and rationalization. Neither of these promotes discussion. There are times when you will need to criticize your teen’s behavior, but you want to minimize this as much as possible.

      3- Let your child experience the natural consequences of his behavior. This is hard to do. We want to save our children from pain, especially when we see so clearly what is coming. However, your child needs to learn to use good judgment. The best way the learn good judgment is to experience bad judgment. So as long as nothing dangerous is going to happen, let your child learn from his mistakes.
      4- Come to an agreement about appropriate discipline. Children are more ready to keep to their limits and to accept the consequences when they violate those limits, if they have a say in establishing the rules.

      5- Follow through. Rules are not suggestions; they are rules. Rules need to be enforced. Your child needs to know you are serious.

    In order to follow through correctly, you need to use consequences effectively. However, most parents use consequences entirely wrong.

    Find out the #1 reason why most parents use fail when they give consequences.


    Go to:

    Getting Consequences to Work



    Warmly,

      Anthony Kane, MD
        P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

          If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

            Please go to:

          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

          1 Comment
        • Here are three tips to get kids to do chores:

            1-Have a family meeting. Discuss how everyone lives in the home and everyone contributes to the mess. Therefore, everyone must contribute to cleaning and maintaining the home.

            2- Teach your child to figure out what needs to be done. If you notice there is a room that needs cleaning, rather than giving an order ask your child what problems he sees and what needs fixing.
            3- Show your child how you like things done. Try to work together. This teaches your child how to do it right and provides for some good together time.

          Please share this article.

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          Warmly,

            Anthony Kane, MD
              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                  Please go to:

                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                  No Comments
                • There is no shortage of parenting advice online today. Whether you want to be a tiger-mom Asian style parent or a hands off French style parent, there is someone who is going to tell you that they have found “the way” to parent successfully.

                  “Discover How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior”

                  There is also the opposition who tells you that if you follow “that advice” you will ruin your children.

                  But I have a secret for you.

                  There is no “right way” to parent children. There are many ways, and all of them work if you execute them properly. And none of them work if you are wishy-washy about them.

                  The main thing is to pick an approach with which you feel comfortable and follow that.

                  With that in mind he are a five ideas that I found are helpful in many families. Choose one, all, or none. It’s up to you.

                  1-Let your children choose their consequences:
                  When you give guided control to your kids, two things happen.

                  First, they to to stick to their limits since they were involved in setting them. Secondly, when they violate their limits and you execute a pre-agreed upon consequence, they are less likely to give you a hard time about it.

                  Giving your children this type of choice empowers them and helps them to become more responsible and develop better self-control.

                  2-Flexible family meal times:
                  Family dinner used to work. At least it did on 1960 television shows. But today, when everyone is going in different directions, it is hard to force a daily time when everyone is required to get together.

                  3-Give over your family history:


                  When a person feels he is a part of a continuum dating from prehistoric times until now, he feels different about himself. There is a greater sense of importance. He feels responsibility toward his ancestors who struggled and suffered to make it possible for him to have all that he has today.

                  When you give over your family history, your child grows up with the stories and the images of those who came before him. It is not the same as thinking that there is only you. Those images might some day be the thing that stops your child from making that bad judgement call or doing that one risky thing if he believes it’s not just about him.

                  4-The sex talk:
                  I remember when my Dad gave me it. He was really bad at it. I am even worse. But now if you are planning out the one sex talk, then you are already too late. Thanks to our wonderful no holding back media even elementary school children know all about sex.


                  Get ADHD and ODD
                  Teen Behavior Help

                  for children 12 and older

                  In this period, we need to begin to talk to kids about sex when they are very young. That means you need to plan multiple sex talks. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you begin when your child is as young as 18 months old by discussing the correct names of body parts. From that point on you keep the an age appropriate discussion going.

                  When the time comes, and it will be sooner than you think, the actual “sex talk” will be a natural outcome of your ongoing dialogue.

                  The bottom line is most children turn out more or less okay. As long as you show your children that you genuinely love them and want what is best for them they will probably recover from any of the parenting blunders you make.

                  Just relax and enjoy being a parent. You children are growing up before your eyes. If you don’t grasp the special moments that you have with them now, these moments are not going to come back again.

                  5-Style is your choice:


                  As I started out saying, the are a wide range of approaches to raising children. There is no one right way. Whether you decide to be lenient or firm that does not matter as ling as you are clear.

                  What is critically important is that you and your spouse are on the same page. This can be a lot harder than it sounds. In parenting, our default mode is always what we saw our parents do. Since you and your spouse have different parents you were raised with different ideas about parenting.

                  The good news is that you are both right. The bad news is that both being right may not matter. What will matter is how well you negotiate your differences and how well you conceal these differences from your children.

                  The bottom line is most children turn out more or less okay. As long as you show your children that you genuinely love them and want what is best for them they will probably recover from any of the parenting blunders you make.

                  Just relax and enjoy being a parent. You children are growing up before your eyes. If you don’t grasp those special moments that you have with them now, these moments are not going to come back again.

                  Please share this article.

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                  Warmly,

                    Anthony Kane, MD
                      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                          Please go to:

                          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

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                        • by Dr. Noel Swanson

                          Here is the picture: You have just dared to deny your two year old a cookie. So how does she respond? Does she take it on the chin? Does she philosophically and phlegmatically accept that, at times, life sucks?

                          Not on your life!

                          What does she do? She screams. She hollers. She cries. She stamps her feet. She rolls around on the floor as though in the grip of blood sucking demon.

                          Soon the neighbors are banging on the door wondering why you are torturing your child. Then social services arrive. Next thing you know, you are on national television being carted off to jail for child abuse.

                          Well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. But it certainly can get pretty stressful trying to deal with it all.

                          So what should you do?

                          The key here, as always, is to STAY CALM. The dynamic is pretty simple. Child wants cookie. Parent says no. Child wants to change parent’s mind, so she puts on a display. This is important to remember: the sole purpose of this display is to get you to GIVE IN.

                          If you do, then the child learns that tantrums work and, guess what? Next time she will try it again.

                          So, if you want to eliminate the tantrums, here is what you do: Walk away.

                          That’s it.

                          Let her carry on rolling around on the floor. Ignore her. Do not try to pacify her (that would be rewarding it by giving her attention). Do not scold her (same reason). Do not say anything. Just walk out of the room.

                          If she follows you then, if necessary, lock yourself in the bedroom or even bathroom – anywhere that you can get away from her and completely ignore her. Put on some music, or the vacuum cleaner so you can’t hear her.

                          The goal is to give her no attention, no feedback, no reward for as long as she is making a fuss.

                          It is pretty hard to keep up a performance when no one is listening. So if you do this successfully, she will eventually calm down. When she does, THEN give her some attention (but not a cookie!) Reward being quiet, not the tantrum.

                          But be warned – she might get pretty loud before she gives up, so be prepared to see it through! If you give in before she is calm, you will have rewarded the tantrum and made it even more likely to happen next time.

                          Just one other point – obviously, before you walk out, do make sure that she is safe where she is. It would not be wise, for example, to leave her unattended, having a giant paddy, in the kitchen with hot liquids boiling away on the hob.

                          Now, what if she does this in public?

                          Of course her tactic is even more powerful there, as she can enlist your fear of embarrassment to work in her favor.

                          The principles, though, are the same. You need to ignore it. You could just walk away and leave her screaming in the aisles while you continue shopping. Or you could pick her up, carry her to the car, put her inside, and then stand outside (with your back to her) until she is calm.

                          If you have already been doing it successfully at home, she will pretty quickly realize that the same rules apply here, so she should settle down fairly quickly.

                          Dr. Noel Swanson is a practicing psychiatrist with over 2 decades of extensive clinical experience. He is the author of the internationally acclaimed Good Child Guide

                          I highly recommend this resource to you.

                          Please share this article.

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                          Warmly,

                            Anthony Kane, MD
                              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                                  Please go to:

                                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                                  No Comments
                                • We all want our children to grow into dependable caring adults. Here are seven techniques to make this goal a reality.

                                  1. Begin when your child is young

                                  As soon as your child is old enough to understand, he can begin to help. It might be something as simple as bringing you a clean diaper or handing you the bottle when he is finished.


                                  Children have a strong desire to help. Even children younger than two years old want to do things to help their parents.

                                  You can encourage your child by creatively finding things for him or her to do and then giving lots of praise. This will help build your child’s confidence and self-esteem, and it will set up a pattern of helping out early in your child’s life.

                                  2. Do not buy your child’s help

                                  Do not give your child rewards in exchange for helping. You want to build an internal desire to assist you, not one based upon receiving payment.


                                  Get ADHD and ODD
                                  Teen Behavior Help

                                  for children 12 and older

                                  You want your child to learn the pleasure of giving to others. When he gets a reward for assisting, you teach him to focus on what he will get, instead of how he can give.

                                  This does not mean you never give your child anything for helping. It just can’t be perceived as a “payment”.

                                  This is how you should do it.

                                  After your child does something for you, say,

                                    “I really appreciate how you helped me and I want to do something nice for you, too. I am going to call your father and have him bring home the movie that you want to see.”

                                  When you reward your child this way, what you are really doing is showing your gratitude. You are not paying a reward for work.


                                  This is better than a reward for a number of reasons. You are showing your child your gratitude, which is the real reward. You are motivating your child to help without the expectation of receiving payment at the end.

                                  In the back of your child’s mind he realizes that on occasion he may receive something unexpected when he helps, which adds an extra motivation to help.

                                  3. Let the natural consequences of your child’s mistake occur

                                  We don’t want our children to suffer if we can help them avoid it. But, parents who protect their child from the consequences of their actions are making a big mistake.

                                  Our goal as parents is to teach our child to be good, responsible adults. In the adult world no one is going to shelter your child when he is careless or reckless.

                                  When your child makes a mistake, you do him no favors by bailing him out. Let your child learn to be dependable by taking responsibility for his actions and his mistakes.

                                  4. Acknowledge when your child is acting responsibly

                                  Everybody loves recognition. When you point out times that your child is behaving in a trustworthy fashion, you are encouraging him to continue this type of behavior in the future.

                                  5. Make responsibility a family value

                                  Discuss being responsible with your child. Let them know that it is something that you value.

                                  Let your children see you being dependable. Your child will learn much more from what you do than from what you say. Be a good role model.

                                  6. Give your child an allowance

                                  Let your children make their own money decisions from an early age. They will make mistakes, but don’t bail them out. It is better for them to learn what happens when they run out of money while the stakes are low, than it is to learn this when the lives of their children are involved.

                                  7. Believe in your child

                                  This is perhaps the most important way to make your child responsible. Children have no clear cut picture of themselves. They get their self-image from how those around them respond to them.

                                  If you view your child as being responsible, he will grow to fit your expectations. On the other hand, if through your words or actions you let your child know that you feel you need to look after him and that you do not feel he is reliable, he will fit that expectation.

                                  How you view your child will shape who he will become. If you truly believe that your child is capable of keeping commitments and behaves in a responsible fashion, your child will become responsible. Period.

                                  Bonus Technique: Give your child responsibility

                                  Children don’t become more dependable with age. They become more reliable by taking on responsibility. The only way your child will ever become reliable and dependable is by exercising these traits.

                                  Give your child a chance to show you what he can do. He will grow from the opportunity. He will grow even more from the mistakes that he makes. Either way, when you give your child the opportunity and you believe in him, he will move toward becoming a well functioning responsible adult.

                                  Please share this article.

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                                  Understanding How Children Develop Empathy

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                                  4 Effective Tips For Aggressive Child Behavior

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                                  5 Common Parenting Mistakes and How to Fix Them How to Develop Your Child’s Imagination

                                  Warmly,

                                    Anthony Kane, MD
                                      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                                        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                                          Please go to:

                                          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                                          No Comments
                                        •